You may be thinking that sex is just the same. But it is an ever-evolving art, which can change from generation to generation and can be different depending on each sexual preference. Far from what you think, sex in the 19th century involves people who are fully clothed. But these clothes have special holes to have sexual intercourse.
That time, exploring other sexual positions beyond the missionary position is prohibited by social custom, unlike today, wherein we have more than just that position. So if you are fantasizing something which you want to add in your sex life, such as BDSM, we will help you learn how to start.
What is BDSM?
Of course, the first thing that you should do to start a BDSM relationship is to understand what it means. BDSM stands for bondage and discipline (B and D), dominance and submission (D and S), and sadism and masochism (S and M).
Bondage and Discipline
The element bondage includes sexual acts where the submissive is trained and restrained to do something. On the other hand, discipline allows you to modify your behavior. Punishment is the means to correct your behavior, either psychologically or physically.
Dominance and Submission
A BDSM sexual relationship includes a dominant and a submissive partner. As the name implies, the dominant dominates the submissive. For women, they are called dommes, and for men, they are called doms. The submissive, on the other hand, is the one controlled by the dominant. Submissive partners are called subs.
Sadism and Masochism
These elements are sometimes confused although these simply mean to give or to receive pain. To get pleasure, the sadist administers pain while the masochist is being inflicted with pain. You should not confuse these with dominance and submission, as these are about control. Sadism and masochism are all about who inflicts the pain and to whom the pain is inflicted.
Here are the things that you can try if you are a neophyte to BDSM:
1. Hair pulling
To light a fire in your partner’s body, you can start by pulling her hair. This is, perhaps, the easiest way to start into play. This can be done gently or roughly, depending on you and your partner’s comfort. And yes, this does not require you any toys yet.
2. Light spanking
It is a good idea to start it lightly even if spanking is a usual fantasy. Well, you can ramp it up as time goes by. You can use your hands, as a start, then incorporate toys if you and your partner are already experienced.
3. Use aggressive language
Words like fuck, wimp, whore, jerk, and slut may be incorporated into your play. But it is important to pre-negotiate name-calling as it can be a major turn off to your partner. Anyway, some people are turned on even more if they are called as such.
4. Try with a scarf
Handcuffs and ropes may cause real damage to your partner, especially if you are still not an expert and if you don’t know how to control these toys yet. It is a good way to start with a scarf as it is made of soft materials.
5. Biting
Just like aggressive words, this should also be pre-negotiated. Your partner may be sensitive to this, or maybe she doesn’t want some marks. But if she is into it, know when you have to start chomping down.
6. Play with “Pervertables.”
“Pervetables” are just objects that you can use as toys. Everyday objects such as brushes, spatulas, spoons, thin belts, rulers, and canes can be transformed into toys. This is not really to make you save money from buying toys, but this can give excitement as your partner will not initially recognize what you will do with the objects.
7. Incorporate “madam” or “sir.”
Incorporating “madam” or “sir” during play can add up to the sexual excitement aside from the aggressive language. This can make you or your partner feel entitled to your role as a dominant or as a submissive.
8. Subbing role playing
If you are just getting started, you can perform oral sex while having your arms tied behind your back. It is also a must try to let you or your partner beg for punishment or sex. It can be a hot entry-level activity for starters. It can also be erotic to put your partner in a submissive position.
9. Play with a blindfold
In a BDSM relationship, one is being restrained from doing something. So, you can blindfold your partner and let her feel different sensations using various objects. Maybe you can pinch her, tease her, spank her, or use a feather over her body until the edge of her orgasm. This will enable the one blindfolded to give up her control over the one who is not blindfolded who can control every situation.
Conclusion
If you want to spice up your sex life, try something new, such as engaging in a BDSM relationship. But if you are still confused on what to do before you get started, know the basics. It can help you and your partner to become like a pro as time goes by. It is not as easy as you think, but if you are both dedicated to learning the BDSM way of sexual relationship, then it can give you pleasure, joy, and satisfaction. It can help you satisfy your fantasy, especially for women.
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