Home Men's Health Closing the Orgasm Gap with Your Partner

Closing the Orgasm Gap with Your Partner

by Glenn Fitzpatrick
sex and orgasm

You may have heard about the orgasm gap. But let me explain to you in simple terms what it means. In the real world, men tend to have more orgasms than women during sexual intercourse.

And right now, if we think about sex, we usually think about penetrative sex. Mainly because we are taught that sex is for the purpose of making babies, And we also believe that sex starts when the male sex organ penetrates into the woman’s sex organ and ends when the former ejaculates. And yes, anything before the penetration is just mere foreplay, which we really don’t consider as sex.

No wonder why we usually see sex on a male’s point of view, we always consider that sex is all about man’s ejaculation. But it is actually more than that. On the other hand, when we talk about closing the orgasm gap, we always conclude that women should have an orgasm during sexual intercourse or even before the male sex organ penetrates that of the woman. Or perhaps, women should have an orgasm before men ejaculate. Maybe because it is what we are perceived to be.

clawing his back during sex

So women tend to do that, intentionally or unintentionally. And one of the most popular means to make women orgasm and perhaps the most successful one is by stimulating the clitoris to make a woman orgasm either before or during the man’s sex organ penetrates or spontaneously after the withdrawal of the penis. But the problem with this prominent method is still the orgasm gap.

How to Close the Orgasm Gap with Your Partner

As already mentioned, sex is more than penetration. It should be viewed as a connection between two human beings. If we view sex as more than penetration and orgasm and perceive it as a connection with our partner, then there will be no more orgasm gap.

Yes, our minds are conditioned that sex is equal to penetration and ejaculation. Yes, both parts of sex may be crucial, but if we deeply give our attention to connecting with our partner while having sexual intercourse, then we are closing the orgasm gap.

If that happens, we remove the assumption that our partner should penetrate and ejaculate and eventually for them both to reach orgasm. Yes, we all crave for penetration because that is what we expect if we have to have sex with our partner. 

But if we shift our attention to what we really want, we may soon realize that we don’t need any penetration. In fact, orgasm can be felt either during sex or not. If we should follow what we really want, instead of what we think that we should do while sexual intercourse, we will be surprised by the result.

Do We Really Need Orgasm?

Since we already know how to close the orgasm gap with our partner, we will eventually realize that the main goal of having sex is not really orgasm. In fact, orgasm is just incidental to sex. And yes, both men and women should understand that this is not the main purpose of having sex; instead, it is just the by-product of the same.

If we focus on what our body wants during sex, we don’t really have to think that we should orgasm to let our partner enjoy the sex. Just enjoy it. Let our body do what it has to do. If it orgasms while enjoying sex, then go. If it still doesn’t feel to orgasm, then let it be. If we stop judging what we think we are to do or not to do, then we make our body free to sense what it supposed to feel.

That is the time when our body orgasms by itself, without thinking that we should have to for the sake of our partner. If we say closing the orgasm gap, women should not think that they have to orgasm more to enjoy sex. Now that we already know how to close the orgasm gap, we should understand the beauty and the connection between orgasm and sex.

We should start to enjoy the pleasure sex can give us and stop to believe that sexual satisfaction is only through orgasm. Let us enjoy satisfying sex for a lifetime, whether or not we orgasm. Let us learn more about it.

Here are some tips that you may consider:

First is to know your own anatomy. It means that you should be able to locate the clitoris. It is the most crucial orgasmic organ so you can allow yourself or your partner to give you pleasure.

As already mentioned, don’t really focus on orgasm. Just go with the flow and enjoy the pleasure sex can give you. As much as you think about his or her pleasure, your own pleasure is as important as your partner.

Another thing is that you have to obtain the stimulation you need during sexual intercourse. It is not about foreplay, intercourse, ejaculation, and sex over. You can make sexual scripts in order to give and take.

To implement the above-mentioned tips, you need to learn about sexual communication skills. Be open on what you want and do not want. In fact, female pleasure and clear consent are highly related. And it needs not to be communicated within the bedroom. In fact, you and your partner can talk about it in public.  Last and most importantly, be open with your partner about the orgasm gap. Educate each other in order to close such a gap.

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