While some men want to purposely delay their orgasm so they can last longer during sex, those who suffer from retarded or delayed ejaculation take no pleasure in it. It’s a frustrating sexual problem, and it can lead to sexual dissatisfaction and relationship problems.
Of the many types of sexual dysfunction, delayed ejaculation is one of the least common. Psychiatrists categorize it as a type of diminished ejaculatory disorder, and it’s characterized by a persistent delay in orgasm, causing interpersonal difficulty or personal distress. Find out how you can address your delayed ejaculation problems.
The Many Causes of Delayed Ejaculation
Delayed ejaculation has many possible causes. What’s important to note about this sexual dysfunction is that it’s not accompanied by any erection problems at all. Most men who suffer from delayed ejaculation can maintain their erection for a long time, usually for more than half an hour.
Sadly, even with their ability to maintain their erection, they still don’t derive much pleasure from sex. You would probably feel the same if you keep trying and trying for more than 30 minutes and yet you still can’t climax.
Biogenic factors
Any disease or procedure that impairs the functions of somatic and sympathetic nerves in the genital region can cause ejaculatory problems. Severe diabetes, multiple sclerosis, spinal cord injury, and radical prostatectomy can cause damage to the nerves in the genital region.
Anatomic abnormalities in the genital area, endocrine problems, and even certain medications like antidepressants can also cause retarded or delayed ejaculation. Moreover, retarded ejaculation caused by biogenic factors tends to increase in severity with age.
Psychogenic factors
Several psychological problems have been associated with delayed ejaculation. These include unexpressed anger, unconscious aggression, fears of getting the partner pregnant, and religious orthodoxy have all been tied to retarded ejaculation.
According to experts, religious orthodoxy can cause a man to “not learn” to spill his seed or ejaculate, and it may also be accompanied by guilt and anxiety. Religious orthodoxy, however, is culturally influenced, so the prevalence of delayed ejaculation due to religious orthodoxy greatly varies all over the globe.
Idiosyncratic masturbation
When you can ejaculate just fine when you’re engaged in solo play, but you can’t seem to orgasm at all when you’re having sex with your partner, the reason may be due to your idiosyncratic masturbation techniques.
What this means is that the pressure, intensity, and speed with which you stimulate yourself during masturbation cannot be easily duplicated during sexual intercourse. And because you don’t feel the same sensations, it doesn’t bring you as much pleasure and excitement, hence you can’t orgasm and ejaculate.
How To Overcome Delayed Ejaculation
Depending on the reason why you can’t ejaculate, certain types of treatment are available. Here are some tips on how you can overcome delayed ejaculation.
Masturbation retraining
Sex therapists often employ masturbation exercises to treat delayed ejaculation. If you’re able to ejaculate when you masturbate, then your delayed ejaculation problem is most probably caused by your unique masturbation technique.
Masturbation retraining aims to increase your psychosexual arousal when you’re having sex with your partner to enable you to orgasm and have a more satisfying sexual experience.
It’s not just about having your partner duplicate the exact way by which you stimulate yourself during masturbation. Rather, it’s about getting you to be more aroused during partnered sex, although there are times when the sex therapist would guide the partner to approximate the man’s unique way of masturbating.
The sex therapist may also advise that you refrain from masturbating altogether. The idea is to make you become more used to partnered sex, and to focus your sexual energy on partnered sex.
In addition, when you don’t ejaculate for quite some time, it can increase your need for a release, thereby allowing you to ejaculate more easily during partnered sex.
Couples therapy
In many cases, delayed ejaculation is caused by relationship issues such as communication problems or disparity in sexual desire. Many sex therapists advise that both the man and the partner should participate in the therapy.
This not only to help the couple gain a better understanding of the man’s delayed ejaculation problem but also to help resolve whatever relationship issues they may be having, thus giving the couple an opportunity to resolve conflicts that may be contributing to the man’s ejaculatory problems.
Pornographic materials
There are many ways by which sex therapists use pornographic materials to help resolve a couple’s sexual problem. There are cases wherein the man is unable to ejaculate during partnered sex because it’s too disparate from his sexual fantasies when he watches porn.
In such cases, the sex therapist may either advise the man to watch less porn or to abstain from watching porn altogether. There are also times when a sex therapist would recommend that you watch porn together with your partner.
The sex therapist may also encourage the couple to share their sexual fantasies with each other, and some even recommend role-playing. This is designed to help the couple become more in sync with each other sexually and to help increase the man’s level of sexual arousal with his partner.
Medications
If you’re taking an antidepressant that’s known to delay ejaculation, you may want to ask your doctor to switch medications or to lower your dose. There are also medications that you can take which may help treat delayed ejaculation.
However, these medicines like amantadine and buspirone are not approved for delayed ejaculation. Rather, they’re used to treat other conditions. Buspirone, for instance, is an anti-anxiety medication.
The Bottom Line
Delayed ejaculation is not as easy to treat as compared to other sexual dysfunctions, primarily because this type of sexual dysfunction is less studied and understood than others. However, this does not mean that you can never overcome your problems with retarded ejaculation.
Fortunately, there are medications and therapies that can help you get rid of delayed ejaculation. If you’re not ready to discuss your sexual problem with other people yet, you can try changing your masturbation frequency and techniques.
You can also try to focus your sexual fantasies on your partner, and you can even try telling your partner about your fantasies. Hopefully, this will help you become more sexually in sync with each other and increase your sexual arousal and satisfaction with each other.
