We start becoming attracted to members of the opposite sex when we reach adolescence. From this age, we become curious about changes in our bodies. Most of the time, we want to experiment with them and feel how it is like having those changes.
To some, the curiosity is the opposite. Instead of wanting to experiment with their sexual changes, they deprive themselves of the urge. This behavior continues to late ages. They avoid and dislike sex, a condition known as sexual anorexia or sexual aversion
They will keep off any intimate relationship. They also get irritated when such topics arise. The following are some of the reasons that contribute to sexual anorexia:
A. Interpersonal Causes
Interpersonal causes involve you and your partner. These causes can be dealt with if both partners are willing to deal with their situation. According to the Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders, sexual aversion caused by interpersonal causes is usually as a result of discontent.
Usually, there are some behaviors your partner starts developing that put you off. It could be their personal hygiene. They become so unhygienic, and when you think about them, you lose your sex drive.
Other reasons include misunderstandings in matters on the sharing of responsibilities. You feel angry with your partner because of the part you play in fulfilling the duties. You could be the only one playing the part, and this aspect instills anger and hatred which make you avoid being intimate with your partner.
Domestic violence is another interpersonal cause. Your partner could be battering you time and again. This environment never creates room for talking and sharing. Instead, you feel terrified at the sight of your partner. The idea of getting intimate with them become a nightmare. Each time you look at them, you fear they might start hurting you even during your sexual moment.
B. Traumatic Causes
They are causes that come as a result of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse may be in the form of molestation, rape or incest. According to the Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders, if you have been sexually abused, the image keeps coming in your mind.
Sexual abuse is usually violent and leaves you with a horrible and tormenting experience. Therefore, each time you are about to get intimate, you will always think that is the experience you will have. Also, you tend to remember that moment as if it happened yesterday. That is when you start feeling angry and afraid at the same time.
C. Cultural Teachings and Strict Religious Upbringing
Some cultures and religion teach us that having sex is a sin. When we grow up in such an environment, we disregard sex and become afraid of any sexual engagements. Such teachings and upbringing hinder us from distinguishing the right time for sex from being sinful. Usually, when we engage in any sexual acts, we are left feeling guilty about what we have done.
Growing in such environments make us feel afraid of what others think about us when they realize our actions. The environment is dangerous as it makes us put other people’s interest before ours. You always find yourself living a life to please others and forget about your desires.
How to Overcome Sexual Anorexia and Sexual Aversion
Overcoming sexual anorexia is possible. It only requires your willingness to take the next step. The following is how you can overcome sexual anorexia:
A. Psychotherapy
It is the most appropriate form of overcoming sexual anorexia caused by traumatic events. Typically, you undergo sessions where your psychotherapist helps you overcome your fears.
You are subjected to monitored risks such as setting a date with a person of the opposite sex.
It is uncomfortable in the first instances, and some people even withdraw from the challenge. However, the psychotherapist gives you time to adjust, and nothing is made hasty. Psychotherapy is a step by step treatment which is set to match your speed of recovering.
B. Counseling
This form of therapy is most relevant to interpersonal causes of sexual aversion. Counseling involves tackling your spouse’s concerns and handling them with the help of a third party. Usually, a professional counselor is involved. Also, if you avoid sex due to how you were brought up and religious teachings, counseling will work for you.
Counseling aims at making you appreciate the beauty of being intimate. It allows you to shake off the shame and guilt that accompany you after engaging in a sexual act.
Counseling helps you view sex at another angle that is not punishing. It is not instant and also has several sessions for you to undergo. Your progress is monitored during each session. The ultimate challenge is usually engaging yourself in a sexual relationship under the supervision of your counselor. If you continue feeling uncomfortable, more sessions are made for you until you overcome the guilt.
Sexual aversion comes with a deep disconnection with people. It is a condition that is manageable and can also be treated. This condition is sometimes mistaken for celibacy. Where celibacy is voluntary, sexual aversion is a disorder.
Once you realize you have this condition, do not shun those around you. Instead, allow them to help you. Nobody wakes up one day and plan to have a disorder. It can happen to anyone and is nothing to be afraid of. Withdrawing yourself only makes it worse and you may never have a chance to settle in your life. Is it not better to focus on yourself than to run from reality?
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